Thursday, 21 March 2013

Coca-Cola: the 's' in social media stands for 'no shit, Sherlock'

Coca-Cola: the 's' in social media doesn't stand for 'sales'

No shit.

Coca-Cola are telling us that they can’t account for a single person who has bought a can of Coke as a result of their social media campaigns.

Well, that means that it must be useless, doesn’t it?

We all know that social media, like print advertising, advertisements on busses, television adverts, and anything that isn’t related to, or can’t be plugged into a Google Analytics platform, can’t be measured in cold, hard, cash-generating metrics.

Most marketers know this already. Most PEOPLE know that already. Let’s not kid ourselves.

Or do we? Am I being too dismissive here? Let’s re-think this.

Ah! I’ve got it.

There is a model that can fix this broken world. That can turn social media into a tangible and sexy ROI magnet.

In order for a successful social media conversion to take place, I would simply need to go through the following steps. The Social ROI Stairway to Heaven. It has 26 steps.
  1. Wake up in the morning (small step, but believe me, this is the first step in the marketing funnel)
  2. Pick up my phone, see what’s happening on Facebook/Twitter/Google+
  3. See an update from Coke saying ‘Hey! Check out our flogglesworthy drinkalinks’
  4. ‘Oh!’ I say, ‘That’s nice, I could sure do with something flogglesworthy at the moment’
  5. I get up, get dressed for work, and head to the train station
  6. I go into the shop on the corner
  7. I pick up a can of Coke
  8. I go to the counter - the man behind the counter looks at me
  9. ‘Mmmm,’ I say ‘this Coke is going to be a truly flogglesworthy start to the day! And to think, I would never have thought to do this if it wasn’t for that FacebookSlashTwitterSlashGooglePlus update I saw when I woke up this morning!’
  10. I pay for the drink
  11. I get a receipt
  12. I leave the shop (I’m now barred - THANKS COKE)
  13. I head to work
  14. I take out my trusty pen and paper to compose a letter
  15. ‘Dear Coke,

    How are you? I am fine.

    How are you, Coke? Are you fine? I hope so.

    Please let it be known that thanks to your Facebook update at 6:45am his morning, I purchased a Coke at my local corner shop.

    I would like you to register this as a conversion with your social media team. I have included the receipt should you wish to verify this transaction.

    Thanks to you, I have now enjoyed a flogglesworthy drinkalink with which I can start my day.


  16. I take this letter down to the postroom where I work (with my own stamp - I’m not a thief)
  17. I post the letter
  18. I turn into a dragon
  19. [REDACTED]
  20. [REDACTED]
  21. [REDACTED]
  22. Coke receive the letter
  23. It gets forwarded to the social media department
  24. The head of social media reads the letter
  25. The head of social media heads to his whiteboard, and marks a solitary ‘I’ under the field named ‘Social Media Conversions’
  26. The End

And there you have it. That’s how you actually measure a conversion from a socia media marketing exercise.

I hope that’s cleared things up for you.

You know what the beauty of this method of measurement is? We can apply it to EVERY ELEMENT of our lives. From making toast in a Breville toaster, to seeing a PPI advert on the side of a bus.

All we need to do is follow my simple 26-step conversion registration system, and all will be well. We can all sit back and be the little Winston Smiths that Coke secretly want us to be.

Sorry it hasn’t worked out that way.

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